One Last Moment With You

If I could have one last moment with you, I wonder what I could say that would make you understand that I love you. If I said the words, would you hear me? Would you see me? If I said I'm sad or if I cried out in pain, would you hear me? Would you see me? Would you even care?

"Busted Heart (Hold On To Me)"

What does it take for a person to realize the value of a friend, the value of family, the value of love? Would you miss me if I never made it home or if you never got the chance to hear "I love you?" Do you think about our memories and the days that go by? Do you wonder if I think about you? I do.

I think about all the hate and pain in this World and I think about Jesus and what He gave up, the pain in endured, for us, in order for us to live as sinners and to be forgiven. So much we take for granted, so much we don't see. He gave His life for you and me, and we don't speak. We are angry, we are hurting, we have been divided by conflict, by uncertainty, by words, by hate.

Why? Why? How can you not break? Whether it be separation of blood, love, or both, why does your flesh not bleed? Why? How? The pain in my chest, the pain in my throat, the anguish in my soul, pleases you, makes you feel good, makes you feel just, makes it worth your while. Why? How?

When I think about how you feel, I can only imagine that you're blank, you're over me, you've forgotten. You don't look back, you are pleased, you have won. I wonder what that feels like, to win, to feel accomplished for creating such pain. I must be weak, I must be abnormal, for I feel defeated, lost, confused, beaten, sad, incredibly sad.

If I could have one last moment with you...I would tell you that I miss you, that I forgive you, and that I love you.

Testimony of Mary B.

Dear Friends, I really Don`t know how to start my life story. It will not be on my own strength but by God`s grace I can be able to share my life story. When I was a little child I could still remember that me and my younger sister we used to play with the german kids our neighbor. I used to dream to be married with a blue eyes foreigner and to have a baby blue eyes oneday. I came from a broken family. My father was an alcoholic and drug addicted and he used to hurt my mother physically. He is irresponsible so my mother left us when I was about 2 and half yrs old. She worked in Kuwait as a domestic helper for years ans she never came back for us since then. It`s so hard growing up without mother on your side when you needed her most. When I feel like giving up and no one to help you. My grandparents took care of us. I love my grandmother for not giving us away but my grandfather was not good to us. He started to harassed me in the middle of the night, I was 13 yrs old then. It took years he kept doing this stupid things to me. I was so scared and his footsteps makes me panic. he wanted to rape me even he has a mild stroke when I was at the age of 15 but I run out of the house to stay away from his malicious touch an thoughts. Then that was the time I learned how to smoke cigarettes and get drunk with my friends. It is the only way I could forget the fears I felt inside. I kept my grades high at the same time during my highschool life and pretending I was okay. I became rebellious. I met bad a pastor through a friend.i was looking for a father`s love but he twisted the bible meanings that sex is a relation or communion with God between him and God. He took my virginity when I was 16 and he promised to help me with my studies and school fees.. But that was all big lies. Later I realized i was not the only the victim he victimized sexually abused minor age girls at the church also including me. He accused me that I`m making a story and that I am a lier. No one believes on me. I am so confused and hurt so much, so I took all of his medicines to end up my life that way but i survived and some of my friends at the church abandoned me and they told me things like that I am going insane. I am so downhearted and asked God so many questions why life is so hard. where is the love?... I accept Christ that time but still I have hatred in my heart and no peace. I worked as a masseuse and done bad things just to support myself and to help my grandma to buy food for our hungry stomachs... We don`t have a permanent house. We used to transfer a lot from another house to another house for years while growing up and been sleep in the sidewalk box wooden wheel house so that we could have a place to stay. I grabbed the opportunity to work as a dancer in Kora but I end up as a dancer, It`s a human trafficking that exploits woman as a paid sex worker. I got no choice when I got there and just do the work because my grandma needs my help. She was in many debts and we need to buy a lot to have our house of our own. I experienced date raped, sexually active, I went onto several failed relationships and I got pregnant with a german customer who forced me to have sex with him. I couldn`t believed that I was pregnant holding the pregnancy test. I was shocked. I tried to call the father of my baby. He denied the baby and told me hurtful things... and I cried so loudly thinking he would help me and instead he said to me that he wanted to abort our baby. I went to his apartment but but he never showed his face to me again. I was totally devastated. I feel all alone. Don`t know what to do. I bought some doses of aspirins thinking that it was just a blood or I am just delayed. I can`t sleep, crying every night silently. I used to get myself drunk all the time. So I took the adviced of some of the girls at the club to have abortion. I was lying at the bed hospital for hours. quiet. My heart is full of anger and so much hate inside. Then, the nurse took me inside the abortion clinic. She injected something on me for me to sleep. I felt dizzy for awhile but I am still awake. I could feel the instruments they inserted on me, I panic for they taking away my 39 days baby inside my womb. I said in a whisper to stop it but it was too late. I lost her because of my stupidity and fears... I am so bad.. My baby was gone. It`s almost 8 years ago but still the pain and shame of what I`ve done to her still hurts me. I hate myself so much and I`ve tried to hurt myself often by punching my legs, banging my head on the wall, throwing things to let my heartaches and let my tears flow out when I am alone in the room. It breaks not only my heart but my soul. I am thinking that I am not deserving to be loved or to live but deserve to die and go to hell. I fall inlove and had some relationships but they all abandoned me because of this and my past sins. I feel unlove, unworthy, rejected. Inferior and lonely. I could feel she was a girl and I named my baby "Samara"... I know she is in heaven now with the loving arms of Jesus. Jesus embracing her so dearly. When I imagined about her, I am thinking she has a beautiful blue eyes and cute. If only I have a time machine, If only I could turn back time and make things right... I know it will take time or years before I experience the complete healing from abortion and from all the bad memories. It`s only by the grace of God that gives me hopes everyday of my life. His unconditional loves for me gives me strength to live the life to the fullest by trusting Him to set me free from all the bondages of sins that prisoned me for so long... I just like like to thank God for His goodness and mercy and that I come up with this helpful group that welcomes me so dearly and with love.... Thank you very much..... God bless us all.....

Testimony of Jill D.

This is just part of my testimony that I posted on an athiest blog yesterday in response to this statement: "Thus it is: a fetus cannot think or feel. So how is it wrong to kill one?" I wanted them to know how the abortion made me think and feel, and the fact that I was not a Chirstian at the time, so it was not my "religion" convicting me as they like to claim. Although I know now that what I had done was a sin, and that God was convicting me. I just couldn't see it at the time...

Well when is it ever wrong to kill someone who can not think or feel as you think they should in order to have the right to live? Who is the "great decider" of life? Does it change with the administrations? Why do you want to keep women in fear of giving birth? Why have you made childbirth so ugly ("forced labor") and make it seem as if it's a condition so unwanted that women feel they are left with no other choice but to abort out of fear? This ideal has robbed women of the true beauty of childbirth. A beautiful gift that only us women have, and only we can give. The fact that you want to keep women in a place of self-hate and pain is ignorant. True freedom and empowerment comes from being who we were created to be. It's about having the resources and support we need to act as women, not as men in the sense that we need to be "wombless" in order to be equal. Abortion is the suppressor of women. Abortion exploits women and turns them into murderers. Abortion destroys women, not pregnancy. Pregnancy is not a disease, it is life sustaining life.

I have had an abortion. So my baby could not "think" or "feel" as you claim, but what about me? I can certainly think and feel, and my abortion has haunted me for almost 16 years. At the time I was very confused and scared. I was only given information about abortion. I was told we had made a mistake that we needed to "fix." In my soul, I knew it was wrong, but I agreed and went along, because it did seem like it would fix our "problem." I was put to sleep for the abortion, I saw or heard nothing of the actual procedure. In fact, I really didn't even know what was even done to me or the "tissue."

Afterwards, I was not me. Who ever I was before the abortion, that person has never existed again. I felt tremendous grief, I had bouts of uncontrollable crying, I was in deep despair, my heart HURT, I was angry, I hated him for it, I had severe anxiety. Even though no one knew, I honestly felt that people knew what I did when they looked at me. I felt like an out of control crazy person, and it was deeply embarrassing. Why? I was not a Christian, I didn't attend church. No one knew about it except for us, there was nothing on the outside convicting me. So why? What about my thoughts and feelings?

I never even realized for all these years that it was the abortion that was making me feel this way. 16 years of torture all for a lie. It didn't "fix our problem" it created more. I couldn't stand to be with him anymore, I thought, "How can we have kids together in the future, when we killed our first one?" It affected all my subsequent pregnancies. I felt unworthy and unfit, like I didn't deserve to have a baby. I was extremely suicidal. My husband has found me with a tourniquet around my neck. When I was pregnant with my 2nd living child, I really believed I would give birth to him, and then walk down to the bridge over the river just a block away and jump off. I did not want to hurt another baby, I did not want to live.

I did not want to feel this way, I just wanted to be me, to be normal again. I had counseling on and off, been on different meds, self medicated, I grew up, got a degree, had a career, got married, had children, and nothing gave me my peace back. Nothing worked long term. I started to believe that I must just have some sort of genetic mental illness or something. It was just this past year that I finally saw abortion for what it was, and have been able to come to terms with it. That it was the murder of my own child that was haunting me. I saw for the first time what this aborted "tissue" looked like. It looks like a human, not just "tissue." It IS a human being. He or she was a part of me, as in came from my own flesh and blood, but was also his or her own being. I killed a part of me. My abortion hurt me. I was never able to grieve my loss, because it was suppose to be nothing! Just "tissue removal." Now that I have 4 living children, I can whole heartedly say that carrying a child to term for 9 months is NOTHING compared to the devastation abortion causes on a woman. Whether she comes to terms with it or not. Mind you no one else suspected it was the abortion that caused me so much trauma for so many years. Not even the ex-boyfriend who was the father of my aborted baby. Now looking back, he realizes it makes a lot of sense. So what about how I think and feel? What about how I was a "slave" to the deep despair of some how knowing on the inside that I killed my child, but not being able to come to terms with it on the outside? The fact that abortion made me a murderer.

An Open Letter - I Am Pro-Life

This was written by a Facebook Friend, she has given me permission to share it with you.

Greetings fellow parishioners, followers of God. My name is Kate Behselich and I am 24 yrs. old. I am writing to you all on behalf of the ones that are unable to speak for themselves, those that have been silenced. You should all be aware of the horrific aspect that is killing millions of innocent lives and that is killing me inside as well. What I would like to address are the realities of abortion and how your actions can help me - as well as millions of other Christians - stop abortion once and for all.

    A recent personal experience of mine at work helped to show me the difference in viewpoint between people that are pro-life and those that identify themselves as pro-choice. A baby shower was to be held for the mother of an unborn baby. The doctor told her that she would be having a boy. Although the child hadn’t yet been born, here we are already identifying the child by gender, calling it by name, and showing the little one respect.

    Later that night I was thinking about the baby shower, and then it hit me. We pro-lifers call the party a “baby shower” because there is a yet-to-be-born baby still in the womb, a life to be lived, ten fingers, ten toes, one heartbeat, one body, one life. A pro-choice person would call the shower a “fetus shower”, but then again there would be no fetus shower because there would be no fetus.

If it had not been for Facebook coupled with my faith in God I probably would not have had the courage to actively take a stand against abortion. I am pro-life and proud to declare it here in this letter. I have been, like most of you I’m sure, a pro-lifer, but mostly in silence. Sure I’d talk to certain people about it and vote pro-life, but after having recently found a link for a cause on Facebook called “Together we can end abortion”, I am now an active pro-lifer. The thing about this site that really caught my eye was that it allows anyone to join, view, and comment on all of the political topics as well as the individual stories being told. Many of the articles and personal experiences opened my eyes and I soon found myself in the WAR against abortion.

    The fight is on and I’m not backing down. “Sure,” you say, “you have so many friends.” But when I’d post a fact or story about the atrocities of abortion I’d only receive a few comments from those agreeing with me.

I’d like to share a story that I found on the Facebook page “Together we can end abortion.”

 “A worried woman went to her gynecologist and said:

'Doctor, I have a serious problem and desperately need your help! My baby is not even 1 year old and I'm pregnant again. I don't want kids so close together.'

So the doctor said: 'Ok and what do you want me to do?'

She said: 'I want you to end my pregnancy, and I'm counting on your help with this.'

The doctor thought for a little, and after some silence he said to the lady: 'I think I have a better solution for your problem. It's less dangerous for you too.'

She smiled, thinking that the doctor was going to accept her request.

Then he continued: 'You see, in order for you not to have to take care of 2 babies at the same time, let's kill the one in your arms. This way, you could rest some before the other one is born. If we're going to kill one of them, it doesn't matter which one it is. There would be no risk for your body if you chose the one in your arms.'

The lady was horrified and said: 'No doctor! How terrible! It's a crime to kill a child!'

'I agree', the doctor replied. 'But you seemed to be OK with it, so I thought maybe that was the best solution.'

The doctor smiled, realizing that he had made his point.

He convinced the mom that there is no difference in killing a child that's already been born and one that's still in the womb. The crime is the same!

Love says, “I sacrifice myself for the good of the other person.” Abortion says, “I sacrifice the other person for the good of myself.”

    Many people commented about this story, and needless to say opinions varied greatly. I then shared this story with my friends on Facebook and also received mixed reviews. One negative comment was from a young Catholic mother, whom I pleaded with and asked her, “After bringing the greatest gift into the world, life, why would you want other women to murder the life inside of them?” I pray for the men and women and yes even doctors who don’t acknowledge the difference between right and wrong.

The following is one description of the five steps of a partial birth abortion…

1. Guided by ultrasound, the abortionist grabs the baby’s legs with forceps.
2. The baby’s leg is pulled out into the birth canal.
3. The abortionist delivers the baby’s entire body, except for the head.
4. The abortionist jams scissors into the baby’s skull. The scissors are then opened to enlarge the skull.
5. The scissors are removed and a suction catheter is inserted. The child’s brains are sucked out, causing the skull to collapse. The dead baby is then removed.  

  How can we murder our own children?

    Unfortunately, there are organizations out there such as Planned Parenthood that spend millions upon millions of dollars trying to convince the American people that abortion is okay.

    When looking at an ultrasound do you not see a heartbeat, ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes?  Does this not mean it is human? What other species could it belong to when it is coming out of a female human being? A mutilated aborted baby is torn apart piece by piece. So if not born whole or brought out of the womb as a complete body, is it not considered human?

    Makes you wonder if anybody who is pro-choice or who works in an abortion clinic has kids? What do they call them? A failed abortion attempt? Is a fetus not the same thing inside a pro-life woman and a pro-choice woman? A sad truth is if a baby is wanted then it is considered a baby, if not it’s just a blob of tissues, cells and bones. So are we not humans outside our mother’s wombs? Are we not tissues, cells and bones? What makes us any different inside or out? Are we more special than those unborn that are inside the womb growing? As born humans we are continually growing older, growing physically, mentally and emotionally.

    I ask you, “Where are you? Why are you standing in the shadows? Why are you standing behind fear?” Yes, I too was doing exactly that until I realized this; that shadow, that fear, that darkness was the devil and he wants you to stay there. He wants you to hide away and not stand up, not to come out and speak the truth about abortion and speak the goodwill of God. I say it’s time to take a stand; it’s time to believe first in God and then second in you! Without both resolve and strength from God you are standing on the side of evil. It doesn’t have to be a huge step at first but a few small steps then you realize that you are gaining the courage God is giving you, the strength to continue, and the wisdom to know the difference between right and wrong.

    We need to not be silent like the unborn and aborted babies. They don’t have a choice in the matter, WE DO! We must speak for them in unison, crying out to our government and to God to stop this action from taking place. The sad truth is that as long as there is evil there will be abortion. But fighting for change, real change, can and will help save unborn babies’ lives by changing the minds of women who want to abort (for any reason) and politicians who believe that murder is right and just.

But we must not lose FAITH, we must BELIEVE.

    I look to the leaders of our nation, asking them to face the reality of abortion and choose the right, the right to life for all human life. Please contact our leaders and tell them that you can no longer allow the horrors of abortion to continue! STAND UP AND FIGHT!!! With God nothing is impossible! With God and your help we can end abortion forever.

All it takes for evil to prevail is for good men (and women) to do nothing and to stand silent.

If your have been affected by abortion in any way or you or someone you know is thinking about an abortion, please join us here.

 

My Abortion Experience

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Abortion - The Truth