Saturday, April 21, 2012


You’ve seen these, right? They make me mad. Why? Because they don’t really mean what they say.
Let’s break it down. We’ll call each worldview by the letter it’s supposed to represent. So:
  • C = Islam
  • O = Pacifism
  • E = “Gender equality” (=the LGBT agenda)
  • X = Judaism
  • I = Wicca / Pagan / Bah’ai
  • S =Taoism / Confucianism
  • T = Christianity
And let’s assume a very broad definition of “coexist”: living together without calling for the destruction of each other. Here are the problems with that:
  • C wants to kill E, X, T, and (by implication) O. If they achieved the world they wanted, I and S would also no longer exist.
  • O doesn’t allow for effective resistance or defeat of C.
  • E stands in direct opposition to C, X, and T, and accuses those who speak against them of hate speech. Also, they’re trying to edge X and T out of public schools in favor of their own agenda. (They’re afraid C will be offended, so they get less trouble.) E is actually very, very intolerant.
  • X’s existence is threatened not only by C but also by O, who invariably supports C over X.
  • I and S are statistically insignificant and are mainly on there to complete the bumper sticker.
  • T is who the bumper sticker is really arguing against, but poses no physical threat to any of the others.
Historically, T has brought about more tolerance– “coexistence” if you will– than any other movement. But the kind of “coexistence” the people who make this sticker envision is one where at least X and T are completely marginalized.

I have been dis-owned by family and friends for speaking the TRUTH about God's word, but these peace loving liberals don't want to COEXIST with me! Hypocrisy anyone?

Monday, April 9, 2012

Refusing to Forgive: 9 Steps to Break Free

By Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D.

I see it every day. We all hold grudges against other people who we feel have hurt or offended us in some way or another. We even hold these grudges for people who aren’t even alive anymore. We do this with the false idea that somehow we are making them suffer by being hurt and angry with them. Now, there is nothing wrong with being angry with someone, but it is how we express this anger that makes all the difference on us and our relationships . What is a grudge anyway? May it is harboring ill feelings toward another in the need to settle a score.
Let’s try a little experiment. Think of someone in your life right now (maybe not the most extreme person) who you are absolutely holding a grudge against right now. There is no way you are willing to forgive this person right now for their actions. Picture that person and hold onto that unwillingness to forgive. Now, just observe what emotions are there; Anger, resentment, sadness? Also notice how you are holding your body right now, is it tense anywhere or feeling heavy? Now bring awareness to your thoughts; are they hateful and spiteful thoughts?
Most people who I do this with find this to be an uncomfortable experiment that elicits feelings of tension, anger, and thoughts of ill will toward the other person. This is not conjuring these feelings out of nowhere; this is just bringing to light what is already within stirring around. There is a common misperception that forgiveness means condoning the act of the other person. Forgiveness simply means releasing this cycle of torture that continues to reside inside.
Forgiving does not mean forgetting or condoning! Forgiveness is for the person who was perpetrated, not the perpetrator. It is saying, “I have already been offended against, I am going to let go of this so I don’t continue to be burdened by it.” You have already been tortured once, why continue letting this torture you by holding onto it with the erroneous belief that holding onto it is somehow hurting the other person. The practice of forgiveness has been shown to reduce stress, anger, and depression and support many aspects of well-being and happiness.
Like many things, this is easier said than done depending on the person and level of offense. In his book, Forgive for Good, Fred Luskin, Ph.D. lays out 9 steps to forgiving for you!

  1. Know exactly how you feel about what happened and be able to articulate what about the situation is not OK. Then, tell a trusted couple of people about your experience.
  2. Make a commitment to yourself to do what you have to do to feel better. Forgiveness is for you and not for anyone else.
  3. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person that hurt you, or condoning of their action. What you are after is to find peace. Forgiveness can be defined as the “peace and understanding that come from blaming that which has hurt you less, taking the life experience less personally, and changing your grievance story.”
  4. Get the right perspective on what is happening. Recognize that your primary distress is coming from the hurt feelings, thoughts and physical upset you are suffering now, not what offended you or hurt you two minutes – or ten years -ago. Forgiveness helps to heal those hurt feelings.
  5. At the moment you feel upset practice a simple stress management technique to soothe your body’s flight or fight response.
  6. Give up expecting things from other people, or your life, that they do not choose to give you. Recognize the “unenforceable rules” you have for your health or how you or other people must behave. Remind yourself that you can hope for health, love, peace and prosperity and work hard to get them.
  7. Put your energy into looking for another way to get your positive goals met than through the experience that has hurt you. Instead of mentally replaying your hurt seek out new ways to get what you want.
  8. Remember that a life well lived is your best revenge. Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, and thereby giving the person who caused you pain power over you, learn to look for the love, beauty and kindness around you. Forgiveness is about personal power.
  9. Amend your grievance story to remind you of the heroic choice to forgive.

Hearing One Side of a Story

By Frank Viola

I remember it well. A zealous but naïve follower of Jesus in my mid-20s. That was me.
One of my friends had been part of the church to which I belonged. He had recently moved to another city and joined another group.
He called me on the phone from the other state to unload. He told me how he had been mistreated by this other group. And he singled-out one particular person who was (according to him) the source of his pain.
As I listened to him vent, my blood began to boil. I was angry at this group . . . and I was angry at the particular person who mistreated my friend.
Some time went by, and I was talking to another friend who knew more about the situation than I did. One thing led to another, and I found myself on the phone with the very person from that other group whom (I had thought) mistreated my friend.
As I listened to this man carefully, my blood began to boil again. But this time, I was angry at my friend. And more, I was angry at myself for drawing a conclusion based on hearing only one side of a story.
Everything became clear. I lovingly confronted my friend and the truth came out. Even though he did his best to deny it, my friend was cornered. He had slanted the entire account to his side. He was posturing himself to get others to regard him as a victim.
To protect his own ego and reputation, he was trying to turn the people he knew against a group of blood-washed, blood-bought, precious followers of Jesus and against one of its members.
But the truth was, my friend had brought a great deal of pain to others in that group, particularly one individual who was very close to him. And he didn’t repent from it (meaning, he didn’t stop oppressing this person nor recognize that what he was doing was very wrong). Instead, he justified it.
He never told me that part of the story.
Was my friend hurt? Yes. But hurt people hurt people if they haven’t tasted the cross. And he created more hurt by the way he handled the situation through gossip and slander.
His rewriting of history made himself look a victim and this other group of believers (as well as one individual who was a part of it) look like a bunch of insensitive boneheads.
My friend had poisoned my view of my fellow sisters and brothers in Christ . . . people I had no real relationship with.
(Proverbs 18:8 and 26:22 warn that listening to gossip is like ingesting choice morsels. It gets into one’s bloodstream just like poison does. And once consumed, it’s difficult to get out.)
I was ashamed. Embarrassed, even.
As I felt the egg yoke running down my face, I made a decision. I would never ever nevah evah draw a conclusion after hearing only one side of a story . . . even if that side was told to me by someone I believed I could trust.
I learned from my mistake . . . or should I say, I learned from my sin. For I was guilty of the sin of listening to and embracing gossip and slander. A very serious sin, by the way, because it is so damaging.
I painfully learned that there are always at least two sides to a story. Sometimes there are three sides or more.
And in virtually every case I’ve since (the exceptions are rare), the person who goes around complaining about someone else is the one who is spinning the facts and leaving out key plot-points. Plot-points that often change the entire drama.
Proverbs 18:13 puts it perfectly: “He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him.”
Indeed, before I heard the matter from all sides, I concluded, judged, and answered. And the Scripture was fulfilled: I felt foolish and ashamed after I heard the whole story.
Since my mistake, I’ve watched this same scenario play out so many times I’ve lost count. I’ve watched Christians smear their fellow brethren (often in clever and subtle ways) after getting their feelings hurt.
(Years ago, I was stunned to learn what some Christians will do when they get their feelings hurt. I can singe your ears with horror stories. I have often said, “You will know how real your relationship to Jesus really is when someone hurts your feelings. You will either get in the flesh and destroy people; or you will learn Christ and His cross and deal with it in a way that honors Him and extends love and grace to others.)
Throughout the years, I’ve watched Christians engage in gossip and slander, not ever realizing the damage they were doing. Some, in fact, would even preface their tale-bearing with the words, “This isn’t gossip because I experienced it” or “the person who told me this experienced it themselves so it’s not gossip.”
Hu? [Cough].
That’s like saying, “I just slit someone’s throat in cold blood while they were sleeping. But it isn’t murder because . . .”
The flesh is quite skilled at self justification.
I wish every Christian who breathes oxygen would read Jon Zens’ superb article on gossip and evil speaking. It’s the best thing I’ve come across on the subject. A needed word to every follower of Jesus.
If I had read it when I got that phone call from my friend years ago, I am fairly confident that I would have reacted differently. The fact is, my friend (whom I loved him and still love) had no business coming to me with his issue.
He was operating in the flesh when he did, but it was subtly clothed in religious garb. And I was too biased to see it.
Once hearing what he started to say, I should have gone straight to the people he was talking about with an open heart and hear their side, believing the best. For love “thinks no evil” of others (1 Cor. 13:5, KJV).
In short, I would have wanted this precise reaction if someone were talking about me in the same way to another person in my absence. We all would.
May God give all of us grace and mercy to live out the spirit of Proverbs 18:13 (to hear a matter from all sides before concluding and answering) . . . which is the spirit of our Lord, the One who indwells every true child of God.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Emotional Warfare

By Adam Dachis

How to Combat Emotional Warfare and Root Out the Manipulative, Abusive People in Your Life

Everyone's capable of being a jerk now and then, but a select few seem to have adopted the behavior as a lifelong career. Perhaps its an undermining coworker, a jealous friend, or a controlling boss that's the source of your frequent emotional abuse. Regardless of the situation, it's time to put a stop to it now. Here's what to do.
A few personal experiences of my own have taught me a fair amount about dealing with abusive people, but I'm not a professional. Roger S. Gil, on the other hand, is a marriage and family therapist who has plenty to say about getting out of an abusive situation. I spoke with him to learn about the telltale signs of manipulation and abuse and how to fight back when you find yourself a victim. With Roger's help, we're going to take a look at how you can easily detect the signs of emotional warfare and how to deal with the problem so that you can live a happier and healthier life.

How to Detect the Signs of Emotional Warfare

While it's easy to recognize when we're in a problematic situation, we're often reluctant to label it as (emotional) abuse. That's a strong word, and so we generally justify the behavior as just a negative personality trait or two. In this section we're going to look at a few common traits and strategies that are common with emotionally abusive people.

They Exploit Your Sympathies

If you ever want someone to do something for you, it's very simple: make them feel like you desperately need their help. Master manipulators will play on your sympathies because they know it's one of the simplest ways to get what they want. Even if you know you're being manipulated, it's very hard to turn someone away who appears desperate. If they've successfully deceived you in the past by exploiting your good nature, you know what kind of person you're dealing with. Don't let this behavior continue.

They Conceal Evil in Altruism

The difference between good and evil is often intention. When an abusive person does something bad, it's easy to spin that bad thing into a positive by trying to convince you they did it for a good reason. Perhaps a coworker took credit for one of your ideas but claimed to cover for you because your boss thought it was stupid. In reality they likely just stole the idea for their own benefit, but when conveying the outcome to you it sounds like they took a bullet on your behalf. You'll have a hard time proving what really happened because if they're telling the truth you'll end up looking bad and if they're lying you'll look petty to your boss. Either way you lose and you can't know either way. You can feel when someone is really watching out for you. When you have doubts, it's likely manipulation. Watch out for concealed altruism. It plays on your doubts and puts you in a stalemate. If you encounter this behavior, aim to put a stop to it immediately.

They Play On Your Guilt

Guilt is an awful sort of thing that punishes good people and ignores the bad. We feel guilt because we don't want to hurt others. People who don't care—the type that will conduct emotional warfare—know you feel this way and will exploit it for their own gain. For example, they may ask you to take care of something for them. Perhaps you have plans one night but they claim to have an emergency and need you to come over/help them with work/babysit/whatever nonetheless. They'll beg and plead and try to convince you how awful things will be if you don't help them, all the while ignoring the impact it will have on you. If this happens, remind them of that impact and do not help them if they're the type to never return the favor.

They Charm You When You're Upset

Few people are going to let themselves be manipulated by a dull, boring individual. Most abusive people are able to do what they do because they're charming. If you confront their behavior or argue with them, they'll pull out that charm to make you feel important and loved. This is a kind of misdirection that will stop you from thinking too much about why you're mad and remembering all the things you like about them. By the time you're done talking, you'll have a smile on your face and the problem won't have been discussed at all. If this happens, you were being manipulated.

How to Deal with an Abusive Person In Your Life

If those common signs sound like someone you know, it's time to confront the situation head-on. First, you have to figure out what to do. Here are the steps you need to take.

Recognize That the Problem is Them, Not You

First things first: you need to accept that there's a problem. We often make excuses for the abusive people in our lives because they're not just abusive—they have good qualities, too. The bad stuff is hard to quantify and so it's easier to try and shove it under the rug. Roger suggests that we recognize that it isn't just a problem for us, but a serious issue for the abusive person as well:
Manipulation, exploitation, and other worthy-of-a-soap-opera-character behaviors are often indicators of the kinds of traits that make up a personality disorder diagnosis. (Note: not all people who exploit, manipulate, or demean have a personality disorder.) Barring
any type of equally-maladaptive behavior on your part that might have provoked said person's "wrath", being the target of these types of behaviors probably means that the "mean person" likely has more issues than Sports Illustrated.
Generally, this means your sympathies are misplaced. Often times a manipulative individual will play on your sympathies—as we previous discussed—and you'll feel bad for them because of one of many specific hardships that seem to turn up like clockwork. Instead, have compassion for the likelihood that they're very troubled individuals. You may find that your relationship with this person needs to be severed, but that doesn't mean there must be hate between you. Understanding that it 1) isn't your fault and 2) they're dealing with serious problems of their own helps provide much-needed context to this rough situation.

Assess Your Relationship with the Person and Weigh the Outcome of Addressing the Issue

Some people are worse than others, and sometimes you come across abusive people in situations that are particularly difficult to get out of. Before you go and sever your relationship with an individual or resign yourself to misery you need to assess the damage your actions may cause. Roger elaborates:
If your boss is the one manipulating you, exploiting you, etc., then you may have to weigh the pros and cons of taking matters into your own hands (although I'm always one to advise people to put an end to these behaviors by any means necessary). When you address the issue in these types of relationships, you run the risk of provoking more harm to yourself because the person has power over you. If you can't tolerate the treatment, however, then you may have to bite the bullet and do something. If it's someone with whom you have a social relationship (e.g. family or friend), then you can probably be a little more assertive. Nonetheless, you still need to exercise caution because anyone with the power to cause you emotional harm can probably make your life somewhat difficult. Proceed with caution, but if the person is causing a great amount of distress you will need to address the situation head-on.
Basically, consider the angles before you move forward. If there's a problem, deal with it, but think about what you're going to say and do before you make your approach. A fallout may be inevitable, but you can often mitigate the damage by simply being prepared.

Be Direct and Consistent in Your Confrontation

When you accuse an emotionally abusive individual of wrongdoing, it's rare that they'll readily admit that you're right. If you've been holding off on this confrontation, chances are you're going to go into the conversation a little nervous. As a result, it might become pretty easy to derail you. Roger suggests that you need to be as clear as possible and be consistent with what you're saying:
I find it helpful to clearly identify what specific behaviors the person is doing that are bothering me and letting them know how they make me feel. Then I follow it up with a demand to change the behaviors. Example: "The fact that you always ring my doorbell at breakfast time makes me feel like you're only using me for my bacon. I would appreciate it if you came over after breakfast or come over with your own bacon." This may sound a little fake, but it keeps charged emotions to a minimum and keeps you from stooping down to their level. Also, be aware that some people's "reality distortion field" (therapists like to call them "cognitive
distortions") may lead the person being addressed to deny that anything is amiss. Example: "What are you talking about, I come over to see you. It just so happens that you're always making bacon when I come over." As a result, it's vital that you 1) stick to your guns, 2) keep your cool, and 3) keep the discussion moving.
Chances are that you've thought about the problem at hand and the resolution you'd like, so don't let yourself be deterred by a manipulative argument. This isn't an everyday conversation—you're providing an ultimatum in a calm, cool, and collected manner. The recipient of this ultimatum may try to make you feel guilty for your actions, or just that they're compeltely unwarranted, but remember that you're having this conversation because of that kind of behavior. If you stay on your message and keep a level head, you should be able to make it clear that the unwanted behavior will not be tolerated going forward.
If you've decided you need to sever a relationship it's generally best to be brief and not leave much room for discussion. Doing so just opens up the possibility for argument and further abuse. It's hard to reduce a long relationship with another human being—even a bad one—to a brief moment, but ultimately it's better than falling into an emotional battle that will leave you feeling far more hurt.


 by Darlene Wood-Harvey

I am speaking to you today because ABORTION HURTS WOMEN. It’s taken me over 34 years to be healed, strong and brave enough to share my story.

In 1973, as a 22-year-old, naïve and unsuspecting college girl, a long way from home. I hung out with nice, but amoral people who drank alcohol and were involved in pre-marital sex. I went along with the crowd and the consequences were my getting pregnant, although I didn’t know it at the time. I was too proud and independent to ask my family for help. I ended up at a "free" Planned Parenthood clinic (PP). They did a test and told me it was "positive." PP told me "it" was “only a blob of tissue” which could easily be removed for $200 (cash).

Physical Cost of Abortion

When I arrived for the “procedure,” the man entered the room and said something about giving me a shot and that I would hear a sound like a vacuum. He did NOT tell me about the horrible cramping and pain I would experience. I was awake through the procedure and experienced excruciating pain. I was crying and did not understand what was happening. I’ll never forget the pain and the noises coming from the tubes going out of my body. Everything went silent. The "doctor" turned away as he said I could rest a few minutes and leave by the back door. Immediately after the abortion, I felt nauseous, had sharp pains, experienced a lot of bleeding and weakness-too sick to sit. I was traumatized. This was my first gynecological experience. To this day I have trouble going to see a gynecologist.

The Cost of Infertility

During the following months, I STILL experienced severe pain and bleeding. I did not trust Planned Parenthood, so I went to a doctor who told me what the "procedure" was…an abortion! He also told me that PP had put an IUD inside me WITHOUT my knowledge or consent! I felt violated, betrayed and angry! I demanded the IUD to be removed, which was very painful. The doctor said the tissue damage and scarring in my uterine lining from the abortion and IUD may cause me to be childless. Planned Parenthood’s abortionist killed my only child and I am childless.

Emotional Cost of Abortion

At this point, I hated myself. I made bad decisions for my life. Nightmares filled my life. I became a workaholic and a near alcoholic. About three years after the abortion, I suffered from low self-esteem, physical pain and many other symptoms including panic attacks, short-term memory loss, debilitating fatigue, isolation and suicidal depression. I thought I was going crazy! I saw a psychiatrist. He told me I wasn’t crazy, but that I was suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome. The hell and reality of remembering the abortion started in the early 1990’s and continued until March 2008. Abortion cost me my womanhood.

The Cost to Women's Lives

Thank you Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I am now forgiven and set free and active in helping other women to NOT make the same mistake I made! The most important thing about abortion that I think people need to know is that abortion is not the answer to problems. Abortion creates problems. Women need to SEE and HEAR THE TRUTH ABOUT the destruction of ABORTION and how it kills their unborn children. Women need love. Abortion destroyed what made me a woman. Abortion wreaks havoc on women’s lives - it is NOT a safety net, but a HEALTH HAZARD!


I regret my abortion. Women deserve better than lies – they need Truth. With God’s help, I’ll defend TRUTH. I choose both the woman and her baby whose heart is beating at four weeks! I AM SILENT NO MORE. Thanks be to God - there is help and hope for hurting post-abortive men, women, and families through His Grace and Mercy.

 Immediate Help Here