Imagine the following scenario with me, won’t you please?
It’s 1858, and you’re living in the Wild West, aka Illinois. There’s a
pretty hotly contested senatorial race going on between the very well
respected Democrat, Stephen A. Douglas, and some lanky dude named
Abraham Lincoln. The two men have been engaging in debates all over the
state, and they’re coming to your town. You’ve heard these things are
pretty interesting, so you decide to go.
The first question is tossed out and Lincoln answers first. His
response is thoughtful and creative and he really gets the crowd on his
side. After he is done, it’s Douglas’ turn, and he rebuffs most of what
Lincoln has said. The language is pretty sharp and pointed, but this guy
really believes what he’s saying.
There’s a pregnant pause.
Then suddenly, Lincoln throws his hands up in the air, turns to the
crowd in exasperation, and says, “I can’t talk to this guy. He’s just a
hater!” Then Lincoln walks away.
That would be such a bummer, wouldn’t it?
Of course, the Lincoln-Douglas debates didn’t really go down that
way. Both men were passionate about what they believed in. They had
different ways of bringing their points to the crowds they talked to.
But neither of them were reduced to to unprofessional-ism on the
platform, at least so far as the history books are concerned.
We could learn something here.
Debate, Civil Debate, is Extremely Fun
The fact of the matter is that debate, when conducted with care and
civility, is actually really fun, especially if you’re truly passionate
about what you’re saying. In the online world, there is plenty of stuff
we could debate. We could debate how to follow people or unfollow people
on Twitter. We could debate which platform is the most advantageous for
parents or for business or for anything else. We could debate all kinds
of stuff.
We could, in an ideal world.
Unfortunately, it seems the art of civil debate has fallen by the
wayside just at the point when there is a medium that could accommodate
it like no other.
Criticism that hits below the belt
Part of the problem is that a lot of people who could throw out a
topic for debate instead throw sticks and stones. For example, instead
of saying, “I disagree with what you said there,” people write posts or
tweet, “Dude, what a dirt bag.” (OK, they don’t say dirt, but I’m not
going to use the real word they say here). Instead of saying, “Here is
why I think this person’s methodologies could be harmful,” people say,
“Hey, you’re an a-hole and I hate you.”
It’s kind of hard to build a civil debate on that kind of foundation, right?
At the same time, though, people who may on occasion receive
criticism, legitimate but perhaps sharply worded, have taken to reacting
like they are Zeus come down from Olympus. “What? Um, are you saying
I’m doing something wrong?” Sometimes people in the online world act as
if disagreement is akin to being beaten up. They ask for sympathy when
someone criticizes them. Other times still, disagreement is simply
grouped into the ,”Well, I guess they hate me” category.
All of these things are useless. They make everybody look like
toddlers (and I mean no offense to any toddlers who may read this).
Be open to being imperfect
When someone disagrees with you or criticizes something you are
doing, do not automatically put all shields up and assume you are being
attacked. Maybe someone has a legitimate point to make. Maybe someone is
actually trying to protect you from making yourself look like a jerk,
even if they don’t have the best way of verbalizing that. Here, repeat
these things as your mantra.
“I am not being bullied if someone disagrees with me. I am just experiencing someone disagreeing with me.”
“Perhaps this person is offering sage wisdom. I will listen first and
call them a hater later.” That rhymes so it’s more fun to say.
“Maybe I am not being misunderstood and maybe someone still doesn’t
like this. Perhaps I need to look at this from their perspective.”
Practice saying those things to yourself. I mean, literally, aloud.
Here, let’s try it right here. Do you disagree with what I’m saying
here? I’m ready and waiting to add to my way of thinking, and I very
probably will not hate you after you voice your opinion.
Have at it!
