Friday, March 2, 2012

Song of Solomon 6, Forgive!

 Crossroads Church of Denver Pastor Brandon 2/29/2012

Song of Solomon 6

New King James Version (NKJV)

The Daughters of Jerusalem

6 Where has your beloved gone,
O fairest among women?
Where has your beloved turned aside,
That we may seek him with you?

The Shulamite

2 My beloved has gone to his garden,
To the beds of spices,
To feed his flock in the gardens,
And to gather lilies.
3 I am my beloved’s,
And my beloved is mine.
He feeds his flock among the lilies.

Praise of the Shulamite’s Beauty

The Beloved

4 O my love, you are as beautiful as Tirzah,
Lovely as Jerusalem,
Awesome as an army with banners!
5 Turn your eyes away from me,
For they have overcome me.
Your hair is like a flock of goats
Going down from Gilead.
6 Your teeth are like a flock of sheep
Which have come up from the washing;
Every one bears twins,
And none is barren among them.
7 Like a piece of pomegranate
Are your temples behind your veil.
8 There are sixty queens
And eighty concubines,
And virgins without number.
9 My dove, my perfect one,
Is the only one,
The only one of her mother,
The favorite of the one who bore her.
The daughters saw her
And called her blessed,
The queens and the concubines,
And they praised her.
10 Who is she who looks forth as the morning,
Fair as the moon,
Clear as the sun,
Awesome as an army with banners?


It always amazes me that when I go to church and listen to the lesson, it fits into the exact place I find myself needing truth. I always feel like God is speaking directly to me. I can walk into the sanctuary feeling lost and unsure, but by the last prayer and the last worship song, I am a new. Wednesday was no different and in many ways more enlightening than usual.

When Scott and I arrived, we saw an old friend sitting in her car in the parking lot. We both got so excited that she was still seeking God in her life. So not to overstep our bounds, we drove to the other parking lot and entered through the other side of the building. She was already in her seat when we walked in, so we found seats some distance away, so not to invade her space. I had a feeling of comfort knowing that we were in the same place listening to the same message, and hopefully understanding our circumstances better. If we never connect in a physical sense again, I hope that she took the same message away with her that I did.. It was so nice to see that she is staying strong in God's word. I hope she knows how much I love her!

As I listened to Brandon deliver his message about forgiveness, my mind took me to many different places and different people. I sat there doing a lot of reflection. I found myself beginning to understand that we all do so much damage to ourselves by letting our pain turn to anger and bitterness as we try to work through the hurt. It so easy for the hurt to turn to hate and before you know it, you have been all consumed by rage. Whether it is a relationship with your spouse, your daughter, a parent, or a friend the process is the same and the pain is always to familiar. Sinners sin, someone or something has to die. But what we need to remember is that Jesus did die, for us. Being a christian and feeling bad when you do bad, simply means that you are listening to your conscious and Christianity is working for you. When you don't feel bad when you do bad, then that's a problem.

Seven Errors to Avoid

Don't speak harshly
Don't confront the person publicly
Never use children against the other person
Never use the term "never" or "always"
Do not get historical
Don't yell
Don't name call

Five Steps For The Sinner (the person that committed the sin)

Respond to conviction
Seek forgiveness through confession and/or apology
Repentance, stop doing it!
Restitution, right the wrong

The wronged person has 2 choices, forgive or unforgive. You if choose the latter, your life will be full of bitterness, anger, rage, and contempt. Families, kids, and friends will all suffer from your decision. If you forgive, you will be restored. Forgiveness honors God.

Ephesians 4:31-32

New King James Version (NKJV)
31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

Additional Understanding
Thrive Boston Counseling – 617-513-5433


  • Forgiveness is giving up your right to hurt someone who has hurt you.
  • Forgiveness does not diminish the wrong done against you.
  • Forgiveness is not a denial of what happened.
  • Forgiveness does not take away the consequences the other person will face because of his or her actions.
  • Forgiveness is an act and a process. Even when a person decides to forgive another person, feelings of relief or healing are usually not immediate. Forgiving someone can be difficult and uncomfortable.
  • Forgiveness is not weakness. It is the most powerful thing you can do. It breaks the hold that has been put on your life. Refusing to forgive allows the person or thing that was hurtful to you continue to hurt you.
  • Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. Forgiveness does not require you to become a “doormat.”
  • Forgiveness does not require you to open yourself up to the offender to be hurt again.
  • Forgiveness does not wait for the offender to apologize or earn forgiveness in some way.

1. Acknowledge the Hurt
  • Don’t minimize it or deny the wrong that was done against you.
  • Don’t make excuses for the offender.
  • Write it down. Journaling is a great way to work through anger and hurt. It organizes your thoughts and helps you acknowledge the truth as you see it in black and white. Sometimes writing a letter to the offender is helpful (this letter is usually not to be sent, but is for working through your own thoughts and feelings).
2. Identify Your Emotions
  • When someone does something to hurt you, you might experience regret and anger. These emotions are not wrong, but are a normal response to an offense.
  • It is important to identify how the offense made you feel and then to express it. After writing down the offense, write down how you felt when the offense happened and how you have felt since then.
3. Cancel the Debt
  • Write a “blank check” of forgiveness.
  • You may want to write down the offenses they have done and then write “Canceled” or “Paid in Full” over them. You may want to burn the letter you wrote expressing your grief and hurt.
4. Set Boundaries
  • Decide what you need to do to protect yourself from letting this person hurt you again. For instance, if someone is offensive to you verbally, you can choose not to associate with them, or tell them that if they begin to insult you that you will not talk to them until they are willing to speak kindly.
  • Don’t continue to look for approval from a person who has hurt you.
5. Make a Commitment to Forgive
  • Make a personal or (if possible) public commitment to forgive the person for what they have done.
  • Commit to not using the thing they have done against you as a weapon against them.
  • When you have doubts about whether you “really” forgave the person, remember the commitment you made to forgive. Remember that forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling.
If you are struggling to forgive an offense that was done against you, you are not alone. Forgiving can be an extremely difficult process. The thing about unforgiveness, it will hurt you more than it hurt the person who has wronged you. Some persons have found counseling to be helpful in the process of forgiving and moving on with one’s life. Thrive Boston Counseling – 617-513-5433

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