Testimony of Deedra M.

Deedra M.

My Voice for Her Life

My mouth shall speak the praise of the Lord: and let all flesh bless his holy name for ever and ever. Psalm 145:21

It is that moment every woman lives in fear of. The one you feel in slow motion as you are told the fateful words medical emergency. You find yourself being whisked passed a crowed of ill people who can wait to a room reserved for you because this time you can’t wait. Lying helpless on a bed in a hospital ER you realize just how short life really is. This is not a random story I am telling, but the story of my first pregnancy. As it has been said before, this is the ugly truth; my truth. 

Who the people are around me name for name is really not important, but the person inside of me is very important. For this is my voice for her life. She is my daughter and my blessing from God. Today she is 12 years old and I am her Mother.
 

It was July 14th 1999 and I was four months pregnant. Having lost suddenly the use of my legs and developed spasms it was determined that I should undergo a non-dye MRI. Having seen my films the tech rushed out handed them to me and told my husband to drive me straight to the local ER the doctors were waiting to admit me. I will never forget this day it was my birthday and the first time I had ever come face to face with the abortion mentality.
 

If you would have told me the year before as I wrote a paper arguing against abortion that a day would come that I would have to argue face to face with a doctor for the life of my child I would not have believed you. Standing in front of my senior class reading my hot topic paper just a year before I was so naive to what this topic meant to me and any child I should bare.
 

There in that hospital room faced with a life threatening illness I discovered the ugly side of medicine. As the doctor painted a clear picture of the only option he had in mind for my health care I found myself repulsed and angered as well as terrified. I said to the doctor I will not have an abortion several times. His view was that I was not excepting of the medical situation. So he turned to my husband trying to get consent to abort our child and do the needed spinal surgery to remove the tumor that was killing me. He simply refused to give me another option right away.
 

After a long verbal battle he finally gave me option number two. He felt then I should allow surgery to be done while I was pregnant and they would simply give my child no regard. If the baby lived so be it if not so be it. I couldn’t live with that. I knew in my heart they would let her die. It was not an option any more worthy of choice than the one before. Having voiced my objection and made very clear that under no circumstance would I allow my child’s life to be treated as less than equal to my own the doctor then turned once more to my husband. He made it clear that if I would not willingly do as he wished he could then find me mentally incompetent and my husband could pick from one of the above for me. I continued to put up a fight and verbally protest. I quoted scripture and made a passionate argument for what felt like an eternity. Then by the grace of God two doctors stepped forward joining my side. They simply couldn’t allow me to be over ruled after hearing how well I made my arguments. I got option number three: early delivery and a fight for my child’s life and then surgery for me to fight for my life. I could live with this option it gave us both a fighting chance. It respected God’s love for us both! Why this option was the last one and in the medical professional’s view, the least favorable, I will never understand.
 

It is twelve years later and my Daughter is happy and healthy. Choice number three is the best one I have ever made. Not a day goes by that I don’t believe that God has kept us both because of my choice to honor his word and will. I chose life for my child, I understood that I could die doing so, but I also understand now as I did then that God never promised me an easy life with no challenges he only promised to be with me threw out this life I live regardless of how long or short it might be.
 

I write this to let all women know that when you are pregnant you are your child’s first voice. What you speak will either bring life or death to them. Please speak life! It is wrong to view their lives as less than our own. Just because they are not born yet does not give us the right to hand out a death sentence upon them. No one will love, protect, and care for your child as you will. You must be fully ready no matter what should happen to do what gives your child a chance to live too. If you could close your eyes and for one moment tap into the feelings of what an unborn child must feel would you not fight harder for them. They are real living people. This is someone we are talking about not a something; a person whom you are sheltering inside your womb. Nurturing and for whom you are called to give voice for. You are your child’s first voice please speak up for their rights!
 

I was taught in civics class that my rights end where another’s rights began. Just because a child is in its mother’s womb does not give us the right to strip it of its rights. Does this fragile life not demand us all to speak up for it? To defend the rights the unborn child has if for no other reason simply because the child has rights! This is not about the mother’s rights, it is truly about the rights of her child and where they began the mother’s end. Please consider the consequences of stripping the rights from the weakest most vulnerable of us, the unborn child; does this not pave the way to strip away from the strongest of us our basic rights as well?
 

Consider what that one doctor would have cost me that day. Yes I might have lived through the surgery but I would have lost my right to be the mother of a wonderful 12 year old who is a wondrous blessing to my life. She is someone not only worth knowing, but also worth dying for. She is my daughter who laughs cries, plays, and wood works, loves taking pictures and has won many awards. Has captured my heart gave me joy and challenges me every day to be a better me. I would have lost a life full of richness that only being a mother can bring! All those years ago I couldn’t imagine how blessed I would be as a mother. I used my voice to speak life for my child with a hopeful heart. Today I can say that yes even if I would have died it would have been worth it, she was and is worth dying for. Nothing in life is without risk and becoming a parent is a great risk, but one that is worth taking. Do not let yourself be deprived of the chance to be a parent. Don’t let fear rule your life and strip you and your child of your voice!
 

If you are pregnant and struggling to decide if an abortion is something you should do, take one moment right now. Close your eyes and put your hand on your stomach. Visualize the child who is in your womb and ask yourself who is this child you carry? What life will they have? Will they laugh and cry and play like you once did? Will they change the world some day? Where will they go to school and where will they work? Who will they be… will they be your son or daughter…your best gift to God and this world? Pretend for one moment you can look them in the eyes… ask yourself this one question: Can I really pass a death sentence on someone I have not met yet? Know this, life is not meant to be easy and children are never convenient. God does not hand out perfection on this earth. We live this life to grow in our understanding of our own desperate need of God’s love. Jesus died for all of us, but not all of us will accept him. Should your child die for you as well? Who does the abortion do the most for? Will it really fix your broken life and give you a second chance? Imagine your dead lifeless child and the days after he or she is gone from you. Do you really think you will feel any different then? Will it make your pain go away? Think of having your child smile up at you and the great love you have to give to this child. Think of the days you could spend full of the joy a child can bring into your life. No it will not be easy and you will struggle, but in the end you will be blessed.
 

How will you be blessed? You will have a child smile up at you, need you, and fill your life with someone to love. You will watch as they grow up and find that there was always a place in this world for them. Most of all you will have had the chance to speak for anothers life, being empowered to be more than just your own voice. You are the voice of the next generation. The voice of life!

Put on the Full Armor of God

I just had a wonderful discussion with a friend. So uplifting to know that there are good people with huge hearts among us. In today's life struggles it's so easy to find ourselves in a whirlwind of overwhelming negativity. Sometimes it becomes difficult to hold up the shield that comes with our full armor of God.



Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. (Eph 6:13)



Sometimes life itself becomes so incredible heavy that it's difficult to hold ourselves up, let alone the ones that depend on us to be strong. I am surrounded by an amazing circle of friends and I am always grateful to feel that little tap on my shoulder and hearing, "hey, I'm here and I got your back". What's even my comforting is the feeling of God tightly holding onto my hand, and knowing that He will never let go. Sometimes when I struggle to keep my head above water, two little munchkins will look up at me and say, "Grammy, I love you so much" and "Grammy I want you", while holding out her arms for a hug. The best part is having two little beings snuggled up to you with blankies in tow, as you caress their hair and become overwhelmed with gratitude that the Lord has chosen you to love and guide these little creations through a very difficult world. Glory to Him! Even when others are using evil words and threatening the safety of the ones you are protecting, God is there. He holds you up and sometimes He squeezes your hand, sends someone to whisper in your ear, or sends a friend to your door. How amazing is that? He always rescues, not by making you feel dependent on your own inadequacy's, but by His faith and His love for each of us and hope for the future and strength in His word.

So...what exactly is the full armor of God?" It is the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes of readiness and peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit.

When a country gets ready for battle (usually) they go with the right equipment and the best there is. You would not send a soldier to fight in a jungle wearing swimming trunks and carrying a water pistol. How can expect to "repel" Satan wearing flip flops and toting a missalette?

The FULL armor of God is sparked by prayer. The soldier's belt is equipped with tool (knife, holster, pistol, extra magazines, hand grenades) and is securely fastened at his waist - easily accessible. It is the foundation of all the equipment used in battle. Jesus is our foundation when we stand against Satan. The breastplate is similar to a bulletproof vest (only not nearly as lightweight as today's Kevlar vests). Remembering that our own efforts and good works will not protect us, we must make our focus on the cross - the righteousness we seek is found in Christ. Our preparation for battle must also the Gospel - the life, death and resurrection of Jesus brought us peace with God. This redemption allows us to fight with boldness, perseverance and peace! The shield - which was generally used as protection and when overlapped one with another, could form a "wall" of protection against the enemy. It also would protect them from flaming arrows shot into the air - we cannot rely on our own abilities in this battle against Satan - by Christ alone are we protected. Our helmet is the source of total deliverance - Jesus IS our deliverance! The sword is the Word of God - it is a powerful tool when used against the enemy and under the direction of the Spirit it has great power.

In all of that, we see that Jesus is our armor! He is our truth, our righteousness, our preparation and peace, the focus of our faith, and he IS the Word of God!

My friends, we are already at war, fighting an enemy who is crafty and clever. Without the protection and guidance of Jesus, we are doomed to fail. You may not have been called to fight at this point in your life, but the time will come and you must be prepared. Start shining up that armor so that when your turn to do battle when the enemy arises, you will already have on the full armor of God!

Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:21)

Testimony of Jill D.

This is just part of my testimony that I posted on an athiest blog yesterday in response to this statement: "Thus it is: a fetus cannot think or feel. So how is it wrong to kill one?" I wanted them to know how the abortion made me think and feel, and the fact that I was not a Chirstian at the time, so it was not my "religion" convicting me as they like to claim. Although I know now that what I had done was a sin, and that God was convicting me. I just couldn't see it at the time...

Well when is it ever wrong to kill someone who can not think or feel as you think they should in order to have the right to live? Who is the "great decider" of life? Does it change with the administrations? Why do you want to keep women in fear of giving birth? Why have you made childbirth so ugly ("forced labor") and make it seem as if it's a condition so unwanted that women feel they are left with no other choice but to abort out of fear? This ideal has robbed women of the true beauty of childbirth. A beautiful gift that only us women have, and only we can give. The fact that you want to keep women in a place of self-hate and pain is ignorant. True freedom and empowerment comes from being who we were created to be. It's about having the resources and support we need to act as women, not as men in the sense that we need to be "wombless" in order to be equal. Abortion is the suppressor of women. Abortion exploits women and turns them into murderers. Abortion destroys women, not pregnancy. Pregnancy is not a disease, it is life sustaining life.

I have had an abortion. So my baby could not "think" or "feel" as you claim, but what about me? I can certainly think and feel, and my abortion has haunted me for almost 16 years. At the time I was very confused and scared. I was only given information about abortion. I was told we had made a mistake that we needed to "fix." In my soul, I knew it was wrong, but I agreed and went along, because it did seem like it would fix our "problem." I was put to sleep for the abortion, I saw or heard nothing of the actual procedure. In fact, I really didn't even know what was even done to me or the "tissue."

Afterwards, I was not me. Who ever I was before the abortion, that person has never existed again. I felt tremendous grief, I had bouts of uncontrollable crying, I was in deep despair, my heart HURT, I was angry, I hated him for it, I had severe anxiety. Even though no one knew, I honestly felt that people knew what I did when they looked at me. I felt like an out of control crazy person, and it was deeply embarrassing. Why? I was not a Christian, I didn't attend church. No one knew about it except for us, there was nothing on the outside convicting me. So why? What about my thoughts and feelings?

I never even realized for all these years that it was the abortion that was making me feel this way. 16 years of torture all for a lie. It didn't "fix our problem" it created more. I couldn't stand to be with him anymore, I thought, "How can we have kids together in the future, when we killed our first one?" It affected all my subsequent pregnancies. I felt unworthy and unfit, like I didn't deserve to have a baby. I was extremely suicidal. My husband has found me with a tourniquet around my neck. When I was pregnant with my 2nd living child, I really believed I would give birth to him, and then walk down to the bridge over the river just a block away and jump off. I did not want to hurt another baby, I did not want to live.

I did not want to feel this way, I just wanted to be me, to be normal again. I had counseling on and off, been on different meds, self medicated, I grew up, got a degree, had a career, got married, had children, and nothing gave me my peace back. Nothing worked long term. I started to believe that I must just have some sort of genetic mental illness or something. It was just this past year that I finally saw abortion for what it was, and have been able to come to terms with it. That it was the murder of my own child that was haunting me. I saw for the first time what this aborted "tissue" looked like. It looks like a human, not just "tissue." It IS a human being. He or she was a part of me, as in came from my own flesh and blood, but was also his or her own being. I killed a part of me. My abortion hurt me. I was never able to grieve my loss, because it was suppose to be nothing! Just "tissue removal." Now that I have 4 living children, I can whole heartedly say that carrying a child to term for 9 months is NOTHING compared to the devastation abortion causes on a woman. Whether she comes to terms with it or not. Mind you no one else suspected it was the abortion that caused me so much trauma for so many years. Not even the ex-boyfriend who was the father of my aborted baby. Now looking back, he realizes it makes a lot of sense. So what about how I think and feel? What about how I was a "slave" to the deep despair of some how knowing on the inside that I killed my child, but not being able to come to terms with it on the outside? The fact that abortion made me a murderer.

Testimony of Lisa G

Abortion was not the answer...
I sat in church the other day beside my husband, listening to the yearly "Sanctity of Life" message. By now, it is a very familiar message for me. I have heard it many times, and even delivered it myself, both privately to individuals and publicly to large groups. Then the video began. Its message, too, is very familiar to me; the intricate design of life in the womb. Yet today, I was overcome with emotion…again. It was nearly uncontrolled emotion as I sat there and soaked in the images on the screen. I cried in complete humility of the Truth portrayed in the images, and for God’s amazing grace. I wretched as I tried to contain the sobs coming out of a complete and utter brokenness over the lies that women buy every day. I bought them too, twice…                   

Although I grew up in a home devoid of expressions of love, where anger was the dominant emotion, I was a very happy go lucky child. I spent most of my time outdoors and at my friend’s house. I loved to laugh and enjoyed being around people, especially babies. I have always loved babies. My dream was to be a wife and Mommy. I was sexually abused as a young child by a neighbor and that, coupled with the craving for love and acceptance I did not find at home, taught me to seek my “dream” in all the wrong ways. I became sexually active at 15. By 18 I was pregnant and married to a man who felt obligated after I refused to abort our baby. Five years later, we had a 4 year old and 6 week old daughter. My dream was once again shattered when I learned of his infidelity. Seeking comfort from another man outside my marriage, we separated shortly after. I continued in the relationship with this new man. Once again, I was using what I had been taught to gain acceptance. Six months into the relationship, I got pregnant. My first reaction was fear. Though I desperately wanted to live my childhood dream, the lies began creeping in. “If I keep this baby, then my husband will take my other 2 children away.” “If my parents find out, they will hate me” “I won’t be able to continue in Nursing School with another baby”… my boyfriend said he would support me in whatever I chose. The only friend I confided in responded, “Abortion is no big deal…I had one” It was sealed…Feeling as if I had no other choice, I exercised the legal “choice” to abort my baby.
 
I vividly remember sitting in the waiting room and pleading internally for someone to stop me. I wanted my boyfriend to step in and protect me and rescue me. I was screaming inside and wanted to run. Fear was the glue that held me there. I desperately wanted Hope…it would not come for years. The “counselor” at the Family Planning Clinic, seeing my tears, simply said, “It will be okay, honey. You are doing what’s best for you” I silently justified, “I have no other choice” Immediately following the procedure I was relieved it was over but I was numb, broken and empty. The finality of my empty womb set in almost immediately. Then the guilt came. Guilt overwhelming and consuming, yet I really couldn't even put a finger on it. After all...abortion is okay, right? It's legal. Many women have had abortions. It must be okay, right?
 
Two hours later I left that clinic with emptiness in my core being that would turn darker and darker as time went by. The ride home was silent, and we never mentioned it again. I became careless and almost daring myself to get pregnant again. I did, a year later. After experiencing heavy bleeding I went to my OB/GYN and was told I was miscarrying. A week later when I took another test and it was positive, I made an appointment for an abortion. I was so hardened by this time, I left feeling bold and confident.
 
Over the next several years, from time to time the issue of abortion came up in conversations at work, or with friends. I would express that I was “personally pro-life…but pro-choice for other people.” I remained SILENT about my “choices”. My boyfriend and I married after Nursing School and we had a daughter the next year. This pregnancy brought up many emotions for me. I had nightmares about a deformed baby, and I was terrified something was wrong with her. During delivery, my Physician even asked me why I was so afraid something was wrong with her. I made no connection between my irrational fears and my abortions. The anger within me grew. Still no one other than my husband and friend knew of my “choice.” Inwardly, there was a turmoil that was never settled. I resented my husband for insignificant reasons. I would swing from intense love to intense hatred for him. I was no longer the “happy go lucky” girl I had always been. My wittiness turned more to sarcasm and condescending stabs at other people, even my children. I hated myself and was having a harder and harder time loving others…including my 3 girls. I began to drink heavily and that compounded my depression.
 
By now, I had no mental connection to my abortions and my spiraling depression and self- hatred. I constantly pushed my husband away. I distanced myself from my girls. I suppressed my abortions so much so, that I didn't even make a connection between the slow destruction of myself, and the quick destruction of my babies....because... abortion is okay, right?
 
Over the course of the next 9 years, the self -hatred, anger and depression drove me to the point of attempting suicide in 1998. And that is where I met HOPE. Hope in the forgiveness of Jesus Christ, who covered the sin of my "choice" with His precious blood on the cross. When I could no longer carry the weight of who I was, I fell to my knees as my brain screamed "I want to die!"...Praise God, as I cried out, it became not a head cry for death...but a heart cry for life! Forgiveness was immediate... healing from the scars of my "choice" , and being set free from the silence, would come over the next 7 years. Through a private Bible Study, Forgiven & Set Free recovery program, support from a local Crisis Pregnancy Center and God’s abundant mercy, my husband and I experienced healing. We were able to forgive one another, and openly mourn the absence of our babies at a Memorial Service for the Preborn. I still weep from time to time, not as a condemned woman, but in sorrow of not being able to hold my babies on earth. I long for the day I meet them in Heaven.
I can no longer be SILENT...I am a VOICE for truth.

Friends, I know the statistics. 1 in 3 women exercise their "free choice" to abort...and are then in bondage from their decision. If you are one of them, and have not been HEALED & SET FREE...I beg you, please, seek help to recover. Contact me...you will find nothing but compassion here. My heart is breaking for all who have bought the same lie I did...because, NO...abortion is not right....it's just legal.
But forgiveness is a beautiful thing!

They Say I Shouldn't Be Allowed To Live

by Carrie Holland Fischer on November 4, 2012

I was out shopping one day and overheard a conversation that made me all the more determined to stand up for the right to life. The conversation was about taxpayer dollars and abortion. As I listened. I realized that I was the subject and my right to life was being questioned. A lady was talking about how “people like me” were a burden on society and how I was the reason abortion existed. “If people like me” were aborted, then taxpayers dollars wouldn’t be wasted and spent on having to “take care of us.” There would be more money for other people and programs. I could feel the anger rising on the inside of me. “People like me?!!” I turned and asked. “Are you saying that just because I was born a certain way that I shouldn’t have been allowed to live? She looked at me and then started talking about how “people like me” couldn’t possibly have a happy or fulfilling life. We would never have a successful, quality life anyway. What was the purpose for us being born? By this time I was really angry and wanted to get in her face. Why shouldn’t I be allowed to live? Because I look different? What about those who were conceived in rape or incest? Do they not have the right to live? The lady looked at me and asked, “Do you really think it’s fair to let them live, knowing the hardships they will face? Can you imagine the teasing and bullying they will have to endure?” I do understand, because I went through that for most of my life. I was teased constantly by my peers, and even by my teachers. The lady stood firm in her belief that “people like me” were better off aborted. I stood by my belief that everyone should have the right to life. Who was this lady to judge me? Who was she to decide who should live or die? How did she know what kind of life I would have? Before she walked away, I told her. “One day you’re going to get old and it’ll be my tax dollars paying your Medicaid or Medicare. What if I were to consider you a waste of my money? What if I were to say you are old and no good, you should be dead? Think about that next time you want to criticize and complain about “people like me.” The lady looked at me and walked away.