One Last Moment With You

If I could have one last moment with you, I wonder what I could say that would make you understand that I love you. If I said the words, would you hear me? Would you see me? If I said I'm sad or if I cried out in pain, would you hear me? Would you see me? Would you even care?

"Busted Heart (Hold On To Me)"

What does it take for a person to realize the value of a friend, the value of family, the value of love? Would you miss me if I never made it home or if you never got the chance to hear "I love you?" Do you think about our memories and the days that go by? Do you wonder if I think about you? I do.

I think about all the hate and pain in this World and I think about Jesus and what He gave up, the pain in endured, for us, in order for us to live as sinners and to be forgiven. So much we take for granted, so much we don't see. He gave His life for you and me, and we don't speak. We are angry, we are hurting, we have been divided by conflict, by uncertainty, by words, by hate.

Why? Why? How can you not break? Whether it be separation of blood, love, or both, why does your flesh not bleed? Why? How? The pain in my chest, the pain in my throat, the anguish in my soul, pleases you, makes you feel good, makes you feel just, makes it worth your while. Why? How?

When I think about how you feel, I can only imagine that you're blank, you're over me, you've forgotten. You don't look back, you are pleased, you have won. I wonder what that feels like, to win, to feel accomplished for creating such pain. I must be weak, I must be abnormal, for I feel defeated, lost, confused, beaten, sad, incredibly sad.

If I could have one last moment with you...I would tell you that I miss you, that I forgive you, and that I love you.

Coping With Rejection

Will I experience rejection after I become a Christian?

Yes - the Bible teaches that as a Christian, you will be rejected and persecuted by the world. Our example, Jesus Christ, was rejected by many during His time here on earth. He was rejected by:

His family (John 7:3-5; 1 Cor. 15:7).

His neighbors and friends (Mark 6:1-6).

The religious leaders (Matthew 12:14; Matthew 23).

His own people, the Jews (John 8:48-59).

His disciples (John 6:53-66; Matthew 26:56).

Sharing Christ’s Suffering. Jesus taught His followers that they would be rejected just as He himself was rejected (Matthew 10:24,25; John 15:18-21).

What are some general principles for coping with rejection?

Understand the true nature of rejection. Often the rejection that comes from believing in Christ is of a very personal nature. It feels as though you are being rejected for who you are as a person and it can be very painful. But it’s important to remember that ultimately it is Christ they are rejecting. You are being rejected only because you have chosen to follow Him (John 15:19; Acts 7:51-60). Remember what Ephesians 6:11-12 says—our real enemy is Satan.

Recognize you are not alone. Rejection can leave you feeling very isolated. But you should be aware of the fact that you are not the only one who has experienced rejection. As you have seen above, Jesus went through the same kind of pain. Notice what He said you should keep in mind when being rejected (Matthew 5:12). God will be with you (Hebrews 13:5). There is comfort in knowing that no matter how many others may reject you, God will never leave you.

Keep the goal in sight. The verse you just read gives another principle for coping with rejection

- remember your reward! (Matthew 5:11-12; 19:27-30; Luke 6:35; Philippians 3:8). God has promised to reward those who are faithful in spite of rejection and persecution (Hebrews 11:24-26). Also, remember what you were saved from (Matthew 16:24-26). The road to eternal life may be difficult, but the alternative is eternal death.

Pray for those who reject you (Matthew 5:44). Our attitudes and actions should imitate Christ. His own example was that he prayed for those who were killing him (Luke 23:34).

Find acceptance and friendship with your new family. As a Christian, you have a new family—the Church. Notice what Jesus said in Matthew 12:46-50. The church has a responsibility to reach out to new believers and befriend them. As a new convert, you should show yourself friendly and respond when people extend friendship in your direction.

What should I do if my spouse rejects me?

1 Corinthians 7:10-16 and 1 Peter 3:1-2 give advice on how you should handle being rejected by a spouse:

 If the unbelieving spouse rejects you completely and wants to leave the marriage, let them leave. If they remain unmarried, your desire should be for their salvation and for the restoration of your marriage relationship. If they marry someone else, you are no longer bound to them.

If the unbelieving spouse is willing to live with you, remain with them. God does not want you to divorce your spouse simply because you are now a Christian. Be willing to endure persecution from them with a Christ-like attitude.

As you remain in the relationship, live in such a way that your conduct will witness to them and they may be won without a word being spoken.

In extreme cases where the physical safety of your life/body may be threatened, separate from your spouse but do not pursue other relationships (1 Corinthians 6:19). Your prayer should be for their salvation and for the restoration of your marriage relationship.

What should I do if my family/parents reject me?

If you are young and still living under your parent’s care, you should remain submissive to them and show them respect in spite of their rejection. Be mighty through God in prayer. Many of the principles we looked at in the case of a rejecting spouse can also apply for rejecting parents (e.g. live in such a way that your good behavior is a witness to them).

If you have a family of your own, you may find it necessary to create boundaries to protect yourself and your children. Many times you may discover unbelieving grandparents encouraging your children to do things you forbid or being a bad influence on them (either by lifestyle or speech). In such cases you should be as kind and respectful as you can while still maintaining your own standards.

What should I do if my friends reject me?

In some cases such rejection may be a good thing (because those friends would only be a bad influence—1 Corinthians 15:33). Indeed, some friends may need to be rejected by you as their friendship can only lead to trouble (1 Peter 4:3-5).

If some of your friends respect your faith in Christ, you should remain friends with them and seek to win them to Christ. Prayer is your best weapon here; be firm but sensitive to when they need space/time to think about what you have said.

Turn to the church. As a Christian, you have a new family in the church. It is your responsibility to involve yourself as much as possible in the many activities available. Show yourself friendly.

Boyfriend/girlfriend (2 Corinthians 6:14). You may find yourself in a position where you have been saved but the person you are dating is still a sinner. In such a case, I advise you to be truthful and straightforward about the change in your life. It may be that you will win them to Christ. If they reject Christ and tell you that they will not continue the relationship unless you

give up your faith, you must be ready to break off the relationship. This can be a very difficult and painful experience. But remember, God will reward you for putting Him above all others!

What is going on in the minds of those who reject me?

It is helpful to understand what is going on in the minds of those who reject you. Often you are so focused on how you are being treated that you are unaware of how your faith affects others. Consider this:

 
Conviction. The change in the heart and life of a new convert is a tremendous source of conviction to their friends and family. Most sinners have some awareness that what they are doing is wrong. Your life serves to amplify this awareness and intensify their feelings of guilt. In a sense, you are making them miserable (actually it is their own stubbornness and rebellion but they will see you as the root case) (2 Corinthians 2:15,16).

Light provokes sin. The Bible teaches that when light and truth are focused on the sinful heart, it provokes more sin (Romans 7:8). Your good example will serve to inspire sin in those rejecting you so don’t be surprised if they become even worse than they were.

 
Justification. Sinners are constantly trying to justify their attitudes and actions to themselves and others in an attempt to ward off the feelings of guilt they have for their sin. You may find them trying to justify themselves to you.

Persecution. Many times the one rejecting you may persecute you hoping you will respond in kind—if you do, it will make them feel better to know you are really no different than they are. If you don’t, you will convict them all the more.

© 2009 Nathan E. Brown

Dear Parent Blamer,

Firstly let me say, stop it.

It’s pathetic and pointless. And for the rest of us innocent bystanders… very annoying.

To be completely honest, we’re sick of your whining, your complaining, your anger, your victim mentality and your inability to see that your current attitude (not some historical event) is your biggest problem. We’re also sick of you blaming your (current) bad behaviour on your parents. What’s standing between you and success right now is YOU. Not your folks, not your history… you. And the fact that you think THEY have sabotaged your life and are somehow responsible for your (current) stupid behaviours and less-than-desirable outcomes, wreaks of denial, immaturity and delusion.

 

Yes, we all get that your childhood, or parts thereof, sucked – welcome to the world’s largest club.

We also get that your old man was periodically a completely insensitive, uncommunicative *%#@* at times. Sadly, that’s what (many) fathers do. And yep, we know that your mother was a selfish cow that time when you were in the eighth (and ninth and tenth) grade; it happens.

Okay, let’s be honest and blunt… some parents are poop. And yes, many of us have been hurt – physically, emotionally and/or psychologically – by our parents. I am not suggesting that you deny your past, but I am suggesting that you don’t live there. It’ll kill you. In ten different ways. Some people have been inhabiting the seventies and eighties and re-visiting their childhood for the last few decades.

No matter how much you think your parents deserve your anger, vitriol and resentment, I’m telling you (1) it serves no positive purpose (2) it will hurt you more than them (3) stop being a big, immature, stupid baby and (4) you and only you, are responsible for your current reality – no matter what your parents have or haven’t done to you, or for you.

Even though you may have a very good ‘reason’ to be eternally pissed at your folks, I’m saying let it go anyway. Move on. And it’s not about what they do or don’t deserve; it’s about what you deserve. If you want to destroy your potential, your enthusiasm, your optimism and your hope, then become a chronic Parent Blamer. Hang on to that hurt, no matter what!

Or you could let me save you some serious time and pain and just believe me when I tell you that being a Parent Blamer is a pointless, destructive, pathetic waste of your potential and emotional energy. And if you’re not careful, a waste of your life. It will destroy you from the inside out. It’s true; some people will die angry, bitter, resentful and tortured souls because they never found a way to let go of the self-perpetuated – yep, read that clearly, self-perpetuated – misery. When you’re still desperately holding on to emotional crud from years ago, it’s YOU that’s the problem. When you’re twenty five, thirty five or fifty five and you’re still thinking, talking and behaving like a teenager who’s mad at their parents, you need a big reality check.

The only thing you can change about the past, is how you let it affect you now.

You may wanna read that again.

Over the years I have worked with people who have blamed their parents for everything from their poor communication skills, dysfunctional relationships, destructive habits and violent behaviours, to their fat body and poor eating habits. What!!! Do you not have a brain in your head? Are you incapable of independent thought? Can you not make your own decisions, choose your own behaviours and be responsible for your own existence? Surely you feed yourself these days? Surely you have some control over what comes out of your mouth? And surely you can choose to do, be and create different in your world.

Perhaps your parents taught you how not to be?

Let me say that I totally understand that your parents weren’t always what they should or could have been for you as a child (caring, supportive, forgiving, understanding, loving, available, guiding, honest). You have my sympathy and understanding but you’re not alone. You’re in a very large majority. The problem with parents is that they’re flawed and that whole ‘being human’ thing kind of gets in the way of parental perfection. If only parents were cyborgs.

Today’s article is the result of an inordinate amount of recent conversations I’ve had with people who are hell-bent on blaming their parents for every aspect of their own miserable and dysfunctional existence. Sometimes the vitriol, the anger, the resentment and dare I say, the absolute hatred, that people hang on to (for decades) amazes and saddens me.

The parental blame game is a slippery slope of self-pity, self-destruction and futility that’s played by far too many people to their own detriment. It’s a game you’re advised to avoid.

-Craig Harper